She came to the sea of PhD, and the old man there. Even now she doesn't remember much of those first years: there was a sea and dusk fell through the halls. Katabasis, my Tiresias, she thought. The old man. Could he see what I mean? What did he say? She came to the sea and asked him a question and his answer was "Know".
With lived experience of graduate school and mental health as a woman, Concetta Principe’s recent lyrical memoir was one that should have sang to me. Trying to engage with mentors. Riding the chaotic time loop of imposter syndrome that plagues many; it’s not solely reserved for those in graduate school, but does seem to be a ubiquitous experience for graduate students. Trying to mount a defense against the strange capitalism of an academic system not designed for Principe (or, truthfully, anyone who does not check the white/cis/upper middle-class boxes on the application form), who then must watch the meagre prospects of the post-doctoral academic career disintegrate over time.
And indeed, there were times through the retelling of her journey that I could empathize, compare and contrast with my own “firing squad” and the commitment to concentrating on “something so infinitesimally small (the thumb and finger together barely two millimeters apart, which from this distance looks like nothing)“. The anxiety that “roars” and rears its’ fangs. Or there were pieces in which I did not share the same experience but I could understand, and did learn from, the additional challenges that she faced: being older than other students and what that meant for career prospects; balancing motherhood with university.
There were also interesting themes and wordplays that Principe continues to weave throughout the work, knitting it all together from beginning to end.
...it satisfies the anorexic every time they pass, seeing the inedibility at the heart of all things. They fill this heart with books. They eat the words, which taste good.
Yet despite finishing the book in short order, it was difficult to engage with and finish the material as a whole. On further reflection, I think the challenge lay in where the author moves from the experiential to the theoretical. Integrating elements noted in her doctoral work, the words become harder to digest for the reader not familiar with the scholars and works cited. It runs the mistake that academics that fall into (present company included if I am not careful): not setting the table with more care so that the reader is invited to sit and be immersed into a space wholly different from their own.
I think for those who are already familiar with the works referenced throughout Discipline N.V., this will be a good read. Otherwise, it may feel like you are missing essential utensils with which to consume the material.
about the author
Concetta Principe is an award-winning poet and scholar. Her most recent book is Stars Need Counting: Essays on Suicide, published by Gordon Hill Press in 2021. Her first poetry collection, Interference (Guernica Editions, 1999), won the Bressani Award for poetry in 2000, and This Real, published by Pedlar Press, was long-listed for the Raymond Souster Award in 2017. She teaches at Trent University.
- Publisher: Palimpsest Press (May 2023)
- Language: English
- Paperback: 215 pages
- ISBN: 978-1-990293-49-8