An Interview with David Roche, author of Standing at the Back Door of Happiness: And How I Unlocked It

I see David around the Coast always surrounded by a posse, and always smiling. When he looks at you, his blue eyes connect in a warm, welcoming, and friendly way. He lives in Roberts Creek, British Columbia, in a co-housing^[i] development. The inhabitants of Roberts Creek are fondly called “Creekers” and the shops have names like EarthFair, Eco-Freako, Gaia’s Fair Trade, Elfinstone’s Crystal Shop, and Well Being.

When he was a young child, the treatments for his vascular malformation genetic condition that cause the veins in his face to grow out of control were barbaric:

“When I was one year old in 1945, a plastic surgeon at the Mayo Clinic cut off my lower lip and I was treated with radiation to the left side of my face/head. The radiation, a “miracle cure” at that time, was neither measured nor targeted. Neither treatment would be used today. Outcomes are definitely diverse, most likely because the condition itself is diverse.“
David Roche

Today the treatments are less radical. A skilled tattooist could perhaps even ink in a new lower lip for him, although that would likely be tortuous on such a tender area. I wonder if his condition causes chronic pain and affects his ability to function or interferes with his writing?

He admits that, “It is somewhat painful, getting more so as time goes by. I do not think it affects my writing but does affect daily life. It is painful to bend over. I have to pay a lot of attention to being articulate. I cannot eat anything crunchy.” However, he says he has good medical and community support in his closely-knit community of 3,500 known for their funky, laid-back, and artistic lifestyle, and the stunning mandala they create each year by the beach.

Roberts Creek Mandala 2023

“We have a great family doctor in [Roberts Creek], Simon Reznick. I tend to be well-known on the Coast and in the Creek, except in tourist season, my problem is more in remembering the name of whoever is greeting me.”

While David’s face looks different, and his condition is so rare that he’s met only one other person that looks like him, but much worse alterations to the human visage are caused by traumas like burns and diseases like cancer, although therapies and plastic surgeries have improved significantly in the past decade. It would be easier and almost expected for him to hide from society with the kind of disfigurement he lives with and the negative attention it can attract. But Instead, he bravely makes no apologies for his face and engages in life to the full extent.

He takes it a step further by baring his soul and unique experiences in his new book, Standing at the Back Door of Happiness: And How I Unlocked It. His intention in writing the book is to help others recognize their own beauty as he has come to find his own, despite a lifetime of bullying, cruelty, and curious stares.

“I was in my 40s when 1) I quit alcohol and 2) found my soul mate in Marlena. Shortly thereafter I got on stage. I started receiving compliments and appreciation about that work and for a couple of years I just assumed that people were just being nice to the little disfigured guy. Then I realized they were sincere. This led to my realization that what I do on stage and at the podium has a profound effect on people because everyone feels disfigured in some way – may be external or internal and the disfigurement does not have to be glaring. It simply has to be something that an individual sees as disfiguring, a self-judgment that significantly affects how one views oneself. So, when I stand in front of an audience I often start by saying “When I count to three, I want everyone to say ‘what happened to your face?'” And they all do just that. So, a link is established. And I stand there with my purple vascular malformation and who they see is someone disfigured who is self-confident, funny, charming … and cute. I am a model for them, someone radically “different” who values himself.“

The organization About Face estimates that there are two million Canadians who “are living with a facial difference. A person with a facial difference refers to anyone whose appearance, from the neck or above, has been affected by a congenital (from birth), acquired (after birth), or episodic (comes and goes) condition or syndrome.” David is doing a masterful job of changing how those with facial differences are stigmatized and discriminated against.

From Suffering Comes the Healing Power of Writing

David started to write down his talks and assembled them into a book. For David Roche, writing aligns with:

“three core elements of my ‘spiritual practice’ … nature, loving relationships and creativity. So, by that standard, writing is a spiritual practice. Or you could simply say it is something I enjoy.”

“The best-selling writer Anne Lamott^[ii] included a chapter about me in “Plan B.” When she read it a bookstore in Manhattan, an editor for Penguin NY contacted me and asked if I would turn my show (The Church of 80% Sincerity) into a book. Of course, I wanted to and that was kind of a turning point.”

As Anne Lamott knows, the world is a dangerous place. Terrorism and war have become the new normal. Environmental devastation looms even closer. And there are personal demands on her faith as well: getting older; her mother’s Alzheimer’s; her son’s adolescence; and the passing of friends and time.

Fortunately for those of us who are anxious about the state of the world, whose parents are also aging and dying, whose children are growing harder to recognize as they become teenagers, Plan B offers hope that we’re not alone in the midst of despair. It shares with us Lamott’s ability to comfort and to make us laugh despite the grim realities.

Anne Lamott is one of our most beloved writers, and Plan B is a book more necessary now than ever. It is further evidence that, as The New Yorker has written, “Anne Lamott is a cause for celebration.”

I’m happy for David, as like many scribblers, I find writing an extreme sport rather than the Zen-like past time that he does. Perhaps, part of why David relishes his work is that he has a supportive family but they also keep him grounded. Also, he’s a second-generation writer, so having a role model seems to have had an influence on him not only on him becoming a writer, but also as using his writing to uplift others.

“My three living siblings all appreciate my work but in a large Irish Catholic family there is always a legacy of teasing and the like. My father wrote a weekly sports column for the Our Sunday Visitor, a Catholic newspaper circulated in the diocese of Gary, Indiana, where there was a large Catholic population and a quarter of a million “subscribers.” Every week he pounded away at the Smith-Corona, and we never saw it as anything extraordinary.“

Fit for Sunday School

David’s stories are suitable to be read aloud in church, except maybe the one describing his first job working at a dildo factory, or as a how-to book on improving your self-esteem and heal internal wounds, rather than strictly as a memoir.

He feels his book doesn’t need categorization.

“I think there is some level of self-regard in writing, in believing that what you are creating is worthwhile, if only for oneself or for children/grandchildren, etc. I do understand that my work has a memoir-y aura about it but I have never thought of myself as writing a memoir. The pieces have appeared on their own. But hey, maybe that is how a memoir is created?“

A Life of Service

David’s life has been focused on activism and social change, was that because being the target of some of the worst of human behaviour shaped his empathy for others?

“My family of origin was working class. My parents’ Catholicism was imbued with positive aspects (feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, comfort the afflicted, etc.). That and my facial difference placed me on the side of the marginalized and led me to be a cofounder of the Childcare Switchboard of San Francisco where I got tuned in to the oppression of women, particularly single mothers, which in turn led me to becoming a communist as that was the only way I could see the possibility of change. That was not the case of course. When I got on stage in middle age, I did not think of myself as an activist but it turned out I was. And am.“

Roche on MAID

There’s more than one chapter that deals honestly and frankly with death from horrible diseases, including his presence at a Medically Assisted Death (MAID) of a friend who had terminal cancer, David says of MAID:

“It is interesting that I am friends with Lee Carter, a Coast resident who filed the initial lawsuit that established MAID in Canada. I am also friends with Catherine Frazee, who is the main voice for people with disabilities who tend to be at risk for encouragement to use MAID. I am not in a position to make moral declarations either way, nor do I wish to do so. This fall, Sunshine Coast Hospice will be presenting an evening of storytelling about experiences with MAID and I think it will be a powerful (and non-judgmental) evening^[iii].“

For more information on MAID, go to canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html

David volunteers for the Sunshine Coast Hospice. He doesn’t characterize himself as a saint, though, as he admits he had an affair with a married woman who left her husband for him. He’s just like everyone else with good deeds and human weaknesses.

Roche as a Recipient of the Order of Canada

What you won’t find in his book is that he received the Order of Canada — “The book was finished and in Harbour’s hands before I received the O of C.” His initial reaction to receiving the award was an inexplicable period of depression, that he pulled out of only by starting a grief writing group with the Sunshine Coast Hospice Society.

David will read a taster from his book and answer questions about his book full of humour written by the small man with the purplish yet cute face for the Sunshine Coast Writers and Editors Society, at the Roberts Creek Co-Housing Common House, Sunday, June 23^rd 2024, 2 pm. (The Common House is in the middle of the complex at 1131 Emery Road. Parking is available at the cul-de-sac, and the Common House is a short walk uphill. Emery Road begins across the road from the Roberts Creek Well Being health food store on Roberts Creek Road.

He will present at the Sunshine Coast Festival of the Written Arts, Sechelt the week of August 15-18^th 2024. Finally, he will be a keynote speaker at the Art & Words Festival at the Gibsons Public Market, August 23^rd or 24^th (check scwes.ca for program details)

^[i]Cohousing is collaborative housing characterized by private dwellings with their own kitchen, living-dining room, etc., but also extensive common facilities. Residents own their individual units and have a common share in the land and common facilities. There’s no selection process for membership. Cohousing projects in Europe (primarily Denmark) have existed for over thirty years, and hundreds are already built across North America, including at least seven in British Columbia. For more information and examples of other cohousing communities see the Canadian Cohousing Network’s website (http://www.cohousing.ca) or the Cohousing Association of the United States’ website (http://www.cohousing.org.)

^[ii] Anne Lamott is a best-selling American author. Her works include Bird by Bird: Instructions on Writing and Life, and her latest book is Somehow. She is also a TED Talk speaker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X41iulkRqZU.

^[iii] https://www.coasthospice.com/event-calendar.

David Roche is a popular motivational speaker and performer, and he has taken his one-man show, The Church of 80% Sincerity, on tour across the world, performing from Sydney to Moscow, London to Los Angeles, and even at the White House. He has also had several roles in films and documentaries. A recent recipient of the Order of Canada, Roche is also a volunteer for the Sunshine Coast Hospice in British Columbia. With his partner, Marlena, he leads storytelling and writing workshops, inspiring others to voice their own stories. Roche lives in Roberts Creek, BC. His website is www.davidroche.com.

Publisher: Harbour Publishing (April 20, 2024)
Paperback 5.5″ x 8.5″ | 192 pages
ISBN: 9781990776762

Cathalynn Labonté-Smith

Cathalynn Labonté-Smith grew up in Southwestern Alberta and moved to Vancouver, BC, to complete her Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing at the University of British Columbia (UBC). After graduation, she worked as a freelance journalist until present. She became a technical writer, earning a Certificate in Technical Writing from Simon Fraser University. She later went to UBC to complete a Bachelor of Education (Secondary) and taught English, journalism, and other subjects at Vancouver high schools. She currently lives in Gibsons, where she is the president and founder of the Sunshine Coast Writers and Editors Society, and North Vancouver, BC. Her new book, Rescue Me: Behind the Scenes of Search and Rescue (Caitlin Press) is a British Columbia bestseller.