To desire and be desired is political
Halal Sex, The Intimate Lives of Muslim Womxn in North America by Sheima Benembarek is an incredible collaboration that tells (sometimes blush-worthy) personal stories about sex. Ethnographic in presentation and holistic in approach, each chapter is named after the person sharing their experiences and ideas about sex and sexuality. They also explore the ways in which their faithfulness may inform their understanding of what it means to be a sexual or non-sexual person, all while trying to manage the expectations of both ummah (community) and Non-Muslims in North America.
“I think people forget that for a lot of Muslims, being involved with the mosque and sending your kids to madrasa is not just about religion; it’s also about being able to connect with other people who have a similar backstory to you. It can be really difficult when you’re surrounded by white people.”
The stories in the book are as diverse as the contributors, but the motivations for their willingness to challenge any assumptions are mostly the same. Throughout their lives, they were all told that the only person who can respect you and have sex with you is your husband, and when you are married, sex is your duty.
“You’re legit racking up good deeds by having sex!”
Still, there is a defiant certainty among everyone that some meanings belong only to God and no one else can dictate these things, regardless of their sense of personal authority. Halal sex is consensual sex between adults, since any other definition would be to impose patriarchal meaning onto Islamic philosophy or law. As such, a rigid interpretation of what it means to be a “good Muslim girl” is inconsistent with their faith.
“Does what I want I want to do truly conflict with Islam? And, if so, what does it mean about it and me?”
Nevertheless, these womxn are also very aware that leaving the community to explore these topics further will be lonely, particularly since much of North America is so wilfully ignorant about them.
“[She] noticed a certain brand of middle-aged white men who fetishize the niqab, seeing it as exotic and enticing. “They say gross things like, ‘Oh, I bet you’re really pretty underneath that.”
With these limited options for support, Sheima created this helpful conversation starter for so many Muslim people who may be uncomfortable talking about sex. She is forthcoming, compassionate in her delivery, and brilliant in her insights. Halal Sex is a wonderful addition to any feminist collection.
SHEIMA BENEMBAREK is a Moroccan Canadian journalist who’s written for The Walrus, Broadview, Maisonneuve, and the Literary Review of Canada. She has an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of King’s College, where she was a finalist for the Penguin Random House Canada Best Nonfiction Book Proposal Prize. In 2020, she was chosen as one of the five RBC Taylor Prize Emerging Writers of the Year. She’s currently a senior editor at Toronto Life.
- Publisher : Viking (March 21 2023)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 240 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0735244227
- ISBN-13 : 978-0735244221
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